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Poetic License: The night Kiwanis books expired

December 20, 2017
By Joe Pacheco , Island Reporter, Captiva Current, Sanibel-Captiva Islander

(To the tune of "The night that Paddy Murphy died")

O, the night Kiwanis books expired I never shall forget.

The locals went on an eating binge, some aint stopped eating yet;

The one thing that they did that night that filled my heart with fear,

They tried to trade the "two-for-ones" for whiskey, wine and beer.

Chorus

That's how they showed their respect for Kiwanis coupons,

That's how they showed what bargains could inspire;

They said it'd be a sin and shame to not empty every booklet

And fill up every restaurant the night the books expire.

O, some restaurants on Sanibel tried to close that night,

But locals stopped the clocks and ordered everything in sight.

And what they had no room for they boxed in Styrofoam

To get them through high season when they're forced to eat at home. (Chorus)

On Periwinkle and Gulf Drive, in groups of six and eight,

They tried to use each coupon before its time was late,

And one unnamed establishment accepted them for wine

But when they went to pay the check - they'd left the books behind! (Chorus)

For all this coming season, after the eve of 12/19

Nary a single resident in a restaurant will be seen,

They'll be spotted tasting at Costco's and at Early Birds on shore,

But the likes of local diners some think they'll see no more. (Chorus)

But wait till end of season when the northern crowd is gone.

New coupon books will be ready - the tradition will live on.

They'll dine out every evening, every restaurant they'll pack

With groups of locals shouting, "Kiwanis Coupon Club is back!"

From Periwinkle to San-Cap to Andy Rosse Lane,

They'll be boxing what's left over and drive the help insane;

No appetizer's two-for-one, and some entres are too high,

It's just fifteen off at Timber's - but few remember why.

That's how they'll get through each coming fiscal crisis,

And keep their bellies full while all of them conspire

Once more to empty every Kiwanis booklet

And fill up every restaurant on the night the books expire!

 
 

 

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